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Unforgiveness: Spiritual Poison

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De Edifier

Home > Unforgiveness: Spiritual Poison

Unforgiveness is the single most popular poison that the enemy uses against God’s people, and it is one of the deadliest poisons a person can take spiritually. It causes everything from mental depression, to health problems such as cancer and arthritis. I’m not saying that in every single case of cancer, it is due to unforgiveness, but I am saying that it can cause cancer. Cancer comes from the devil, scientist can’t explain it, doctors don’t understand where it comes from; it’s the symptoms of a curse. God allowed the Israelites to face diseases and sickness when they disobeyed Him (Deut 28:58-61), and when they would turn back to Him, He would heal their land and take sickness from their midst (Exodus 23:25, Deut 7:15). In the New Testament, Jesus gave us two commandments (Matthew 22:37-40), and if we break those, we can be opened up to curses, just as the people in the Old Testament were. Jesus never came to abolish the law (Matthew 5:17), but He did come to set us free from the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13), meaning, Jesus paid the price so we can be set free from any curses we may have come under.

Two commandments given to us by God

Matthew 22:37-40, “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Jesus gave us very important commandments to follow; one of them was to love one another, as He has loved us (John 15:12). Love is the exact opposite of unforgiveness, envy, jealousy, hate, pride and bitterness. You can’t truly love somebody and hold bitterness or unforgiveness against him or her at the same time.

Our responsibility to forgive others

God sent His Son Jesus to die for our sins, so that we may be reconciled to Him, without spot or blemish. He asks that we give others the same forgiveness that paid for us. He tells a parable in Matthew 18:23-35 that says the same thing:

“Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took [him] by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

Unforgiveness shows we don’t really love Jesus

In John 15:12, Jesus commands us to love one another, as He has loved us. True love doesn’t hold bitterness or unforgiveness against that person. If we are bitter or hold unforgiveness against somebody, then we don’t love them as Christ loved us. If we don’t keep Jesus’ commandments, then it proves we don’t love Him.

John 14:24, “He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings…”

Unforgiveness prevents God from forgiving our sins

Matthew 6:15, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Unforgiveness opens us up to the tormentors (the devil)

Matthew 18:23-35, “Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took [him] by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”

Unforgiveness can block God from answering our prayers

Mark 11:24, 25, “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought (something) against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Matthew 7:7, 12, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you… Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them…”

John 15:5, 10 tells us that if we abide in Christ, we will produce much spiritual fruit, and the way that we abide in Christ is by keeping His commandments. Verse 12 tells us that His commandment is to love one another as He has loved us. Verse 7 tells us that if we abide in Him (by keeping His commandments), and His Word in us, we can ask for anything and it will be given onto us! The reason a lot of people’s prayers go unanswered, is because they aren’t keeping the commandments that Jesus gave us; therefore they aren’t abiding in Christ’s love, and if we aren’t abiding in Christ’s love, how can we expect Him to hear our prayers?

Unforgiveness can defile a person

Hebrews 12:15, “…lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”

Notice at the end it says, “many be defiled.” This is a VERY common, if not one of the most common everyday things that defile people! Many bondages can be shed when a person forgives those who have wronged him or her.

Unforgiveness can give Satan an advantage

2 Corinthians 2:10-11, “To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.”

Unforgiveness can keep a person out of heaven

Matthew 7:12, 21, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets… Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.”

1 John 3:14, “We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.”

Unforgiveness can prevent us from being fruitful spiritually

John 15:5 tells us that if we abide in Christ, we will produce much spiritual fruit, and the way that we abide in Christ is by keeping His commandments (verse 10). Verse 12 tells us that His commandment is that we love one another as He has loved us. Therefore, if we don’t love one another, as He has loved us, then we do not abide in Him, and how are we suppose to produce much spiritual fruit if we don’t abide in Him? According to verse 6, the branch that doesn’t abide in the vine will be cast into the fire.

Unforgiveness can open us up to curses

When people in the Old Testament disobeyed God’s commandments, it opened them up to curses (Deut 27:26). When people nowadays disobey God, it can do the same thing; it can open them up to curses. Curses can cause mental and emotional problems (Deut 28:28), physical problems (Deut 28:35, 60, 61), financial problems (Deut 28:17, 38, 43), divorce and unfaithful spouse (Deut 28:30, 56), emotional stress (Deut 28:34), childlessness (Lev 20:21), and that’s not all, plus those curses can be handed down to your future generations (Exodus 20:5).

The blessings of forgiveness

When we forgive, it opens us up to God’s forgiveness (Matthew 6:15), it puts us in a receiving position when we pray (Mark 11:24, 25), it helps us become spiritually fruitful (John 15:10, 12, 5), and we will know that we have passed from spiritual death to being reconciled with our heavenly Father when we love each other (1 John 3:14)! When we keep God’s commandments and love one another, we prove that we love Jesus (John 14:21), and we abide in Christ’s love (John 15:10)! What a magnificent blessing forgiveness really is!!!

Why should I Forgive?

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De Edifier

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

-Matthew 6:14-15-Some couples, at one time or the other, ask the question of why they should forgive their spouse for the wrong done to them. Some even vow unforgiveness because the offence committed by their spouse was of the“highest order.” Some of the excuses for making such judgements are even justifiable by human understanding;to God though, there is nothing as unforgiveness.

Think for a moment of where you were before God met with you. What you did in the past, how much hurt and shame you had brought to Him, how you betrayed His love and even now that you are in Him (if you are), how many times you failed Him since. Think of how God’s hands and heart still longs after you with undying love, ready to forgive at the instance of your confession. Now compare that with what your partner or that other person may have done that should warrant unforgiveness.

Selah.

After you have sincerely meditated on this, ask yourself if he or she now is due your forgiveness. Truth is: Forgiving your spouse or anyone else of the wrong committed against you is also freeing yourself from hurts and unnecessary burdens. It is letting go of unnecessary baggage (that only slows down your life’s pace);thereby freeing up your own access to God’s forgiveness and love.

Although, this does not come easy, especially when your emotions are badly hurt, you can with all sincerity call for God’s help through the Holy Spirit. He will purge you of every anger and resentment you may feel and restore your relationship with the offender. Good news is, you can begin this process today by just deciding in your heart to forgive. Let go of every offence today therefore, by opening up your heart to do so.

If you have not surrendered your life to Christ though, this is next to impossible. So, in order to walk in His order of love and forgiveness, say this prayer out loud with faith:

FIVE WAYS TO GROW IN THE ANOINTING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

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De Edifier

The anointing is upon you by the Spirit of God, teaching you what Jesus said and leading you further into the Scriptures. The anointing of the Spirit guides you as you read and consume the Scripture, loving the Lord, hungering and thirsting for His righteousness.

Here are five things you can do to continue to grow in the precious anointing:

1. Fellowship with the Holy Spirit every day, adoring Him (2 Cor. 13:14). Talk to Him directly, building friendship with Him, continuing dialogue with Him about everything. Invite Him to your daily Bible reading and ask Him questions. Write down His answers when He speaks to you.

2. Keep your heart pure, aware of His kindness and holiness. He is the Spirit of justice and burning in Isaiah 4:4 which is a purifying and cleansing fire that washes away sin and prepares for His glory and presence. According to Matthew 3:11, Jesus baptizes us in the Holy Spirit and fire, the experience occurring on the Day of Pentecost which empowers us for proclaiming the gospel. It also sanctifies us to walk in holiness in our lives.

3. Let the Holy Spirit teach you the Scriptures (1 John 2:27). As you do this, you will be assured that you remain in Him as He teaches you the truth and then you are to go and teach others what He has taught you. You are anointed to bring God’s transformation to the world.

4. Value and cherish the anointing, not grieving the Spirit by our words and actions (Eph. 4:30). When we value and cherish His anointing, we make room for it in every part of our lives, expressing love and respect to Him, being careful with our words and conduct, cultivating His presence everywhere we go. As we do this we make ourselves available for Him to use us any time and see Him move in power through us.

5. Glorify Jesus (John 16:14). If you give testimony about miracles, signs and wonders, give reference to Him throughout all of it, because He was the One who accomplished the ministry. You were there, but He did the work through you and those with you. He manifested the healings and miracles, so give Him all the credit.

“In Him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him.

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De Edifier

— Colossians 2:9, 10

All the attributes of Christ, as God and man, are at our disposal. All the fulness of the Godhead, whatever that marvellous term may comprehend, is ours to make us complete. He cannot endow us with the attributes of Deity; but He has done all that can be done, for He has made even His divine power and Godhead subservient to our salvation. His omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence, immutability and infallibility, are all combined for our defence. Arise, believer, and behold the Lord Jesus yoking the whole of His divine Godhead to the chariot of salvation! How vast His grace, how firm His faithfulness, how unswerving His immutability, how infinite His power, how limitless His knowledge! All these are by the Lord Jesus made the pillars of the temple of salvation; and all, without diminution of their infinity, are covenanted to us as our perpetual inheritance. The fathomless love of the Saviour’s heart is every drop of it ours; every sinew in the arm of might, every jewel in the crown of majesty, the immensity of divine knowledge, and the sternness of divine justice, all are ours, and shall be employed for us. The whole of Christ, in His adorable character as the Son of God, is by Himself made over to us most richly to enjoy. His wisdom is our direction, His knowledge our instruction, His power our protection, His justice our surety, His love our comfort, His mercy our solace, and His immutability our trust. He makes no reserve, but opens the recesses of the Mount of God and bids us dig in its mines for the hidden treasures. “All, all, all are yours,” saith He, “be ye satisfied with favour and full of the goodness of the Lord.” Oh! how sweet thus to behold Jesus, and to call upon Him with the certain confidence that in seeking the interposition of His love or power, we are but asking for that which He has already faithfully promised.

HOPE THAT DOES NOT DISAPPOINT

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FOUNTAIN OF MY SOUL

Romans 5:5

Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Today, we express hope as if we can’t be sure what will really happen. We say, “I hope I will win that prize. I hope it won’t rain tomorrow. I hope everything works out well.”

But “hope” in the Bible is a confident and positive expectation of good. God wants you to have a confident expectation of good because as His child, He favors you. Because Christ is in you, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27), you can expect the glory of God to shine into every area of your life, including your family, job, ministry, health and finances!

God’s Word says, “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” You may have experienced disappointed hopes, but there is a hope that does not disappoint when you are conscious of how much God loves you. It is a hope that springs from the heart of God, who loves you very much.

It is interesting that the first mention of the Holy Spirit in the book of Romans is tied up with the love of God. The book of Romans is considered foundational for Christians. Could it be that the first thing the Holy Spirit wants to do is to establish in our hearts that God loves us? Many people think that the Holy Spirit has come to teach us about power. But the truth is that the Holy Spirit has come not to reveal the love for power, but the power of love!

My friend, you may have just lost your job. But if you can say, “Jesus loves me this I know,” you can also say, “I believe that I will get a better job tomorrow.” Your girlfriend may have just left you for your best friend. But because you can say, “Jesus loves me this I know,” you can also say, “I’ll meet a better girl.”

When you believe that God loves you, you will have a positive expectation of good. You will have a hope that does not disappoint. So be careful what you hope for because you are bound to get it!

Thought For The Day

Being conscious of how much God loves you gives you a hope that does not disappoint.

THE SPIRIT OF GOD THE HOLY GHOST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT

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De Edifier

There is

THE SPIRIT OF GOD

THE HOLY GHOST

AND

THE HOLY SPIRIT

                They are not the same thing, it’s very elementary but you need to know it.

There is THE SPIRIT OF GOD

There is THE HOLY GHOST

AND

There is THE HOLY SPIRIT

                The SPIRIT OF GOD is what came upon them in the time of old

Remember in Gen 41:38

When Joseph interpreted the dream

And Pharaoh said unto his servants, can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom the spirit of God is? (KJV)

 In Numbers 24

It was talking about Joshua

It said, the spirit of God was upon him

If you can remember,

Any time Sampson was about to do a major hit, the bible says the spirit of God was upon him

The SPIRIT OF GOD comes upon him

The SPIRIT OF GOD is EXTERNAL

I know some of us have the knowledge of GEOGRAPHY in school

There is what we call

WEATHER

       &

TEMPERATURE

                WEATHER is an atmospheric condition of a geographical location at a particular time

                TEMPERATURE is the degree of hotness and coldness of a place at a particular time

Am trying to use that to explain the SPIRIT OF GOD around (WEATHER)

And the SPIRIT OF GOD within (TEMPERATURE)

HOLY SPIRIT only comes after you have received Jesus

But the SPIRIT OF GOD, you don’t receive Jesus for it to come, it’s a VIRTUE that comes from YAHWEH (GOD)

But when you receive Jesus

That is why you cannot see any one like the HOLY SPIRIT before the new testament.

HOLY GHOST also came before the new testament

The word GHOST

You only see a ghost after something dies

The HOLY GHOST came upon them in the days of old and not the HOLY SPIRIT

It could be termed the spirit of the prophet

If you check your bible in the book of Luke

The bible says, HOLY GHOST came upon Zachariah

John the Baptist was filled with the HOLY GHOST from the mother’s womb not the HOLY SPIRIT but HOLY GHOST.

The HOLY GHOST is always for ACTION, it comes with ACTION

But

Any time the HOLY SPIRIT comes is for CHARACTER.

That is why David could have the HOLY GHOST and till 70 he was still firing.

The SPIRIT OF GOD is for MOVEMENT

The HOLY GOST is for ACTION (CHARISMA)

The HOLY SPIRIT is for LIFESTYLE & CHARACTER

So when I say live in the HOLY SPIRIT, I mean live in character & lifestyle

When I say live in charisma, I mean be a carrier of the HOLY GHOST

In Romans 8:14

For as many as led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God

 The vs16 says

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God

Sons live by leading

Children live by witnessing

That is why at times you hear the voice of God, but you don’t do it, but a while you now remember you heard a voice. YOU ARE STILL A CHILD

But you hear the voice of YAHWEH and say thus says the LORD and you are being led by God,, YOU ARE A SON

 You are not a child, bcos children live by witness

But sons can say, thus sayeth the LORD this & this is going to happen.

                What manner of love that the father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God.

I have come to activate your spiritual consciousness

I have come to activate your life in the spirit

I came to activate your life in the HOLT GHOST

GOD TAKES GLORY OUT OF WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR WEAKNESS-NOT YOUR STRENGTH

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De King

When we have the competence, confidence, experience and connections to make things happen, we can miss the majesty and wonder of God for thinking WE are the reason good things are happening in and through our lives. And because of this, while GOOD things may happen, GOD things don’t because God resists the proud.

GOD things sustain. They endure. They aren’t moved by emotion alone but are, instead, moved by the spirit. And this is why God uses broken people to accomplish His purpose. People who don’t want attention out of fear that they aren’t capable. People who DON’T want others’ platforms but, instead, want GOD’S presence.

It is our weakness wherein God’s power is made most evident because we can’t take the glory for the good that happens through our lives. Check your ego at the door. If you believe YOU are the reason good is happening, the glory left you a long time ago.

“He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.” Mark 5:41-43

When Jesus raised the synagogue leader’s dead daughter back to life, He didn’t tell people to throw a party. He “told them to give her something to eat.” Many in this generation are having fun at church while simultaneously dying of spiritual malnourishment because we have settled for making ministry exciting at the cost of making ministry effective. We not only need to make church a place young people want to go, but we need to make it a place that equips them to take their faith back out into the world WITH them. Because the church isn’t a place; it’s a PEOPLE.

Give them something to eat. “I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh.” John 6:51

#Ministry #Legacy #Bible #Leadership #Success #NextGen #NextGeneration #YouthPastors #Pastors #Church#De Edifier

10 Meaningful Ways a Wife Can Add Value to Her Husband

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Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. – Proverbs 31:10-11 NLT

Much of my early Christian walk was spent self-deprecating how I couldn’t possibly measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman. In fact, I found myself secretly rolling my eyes if a pastor or speaker began a message discussing any facet of Proverbs 31. Honestly, much of that had to do with me healing from old wounds and embracing what God’s word said about me versus what I sometimes felt about myself. The intricacies of an abuse story can be complicated and the wounds long-lasting. Consequently, I spent much time, early in my marriage, resenting the fact that I would never measure up. 

However, the Lord gave me freedom in this area and Proverbs 31 is Scripture I view much differently now. I no longer feel I’m in competition with this Proverbs 31 woman. I no longer feel I’m not measuring up to her. Rather, I see her as a lifelong pursuit of excellence. Notice I said “excellence” and not “perfection”. I see her as an older aunt who is lovingly guiding me towards a more fulfilling marriage and life as a woman. I want to be the best mom I can be to my children. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. I want to be the best co-worker I can be at my job. In other words, I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. Not someone else. 

Because I spend much of my time teaching single women, I’ve taught from Proverbs 31:11b many times. Pay special attention to the word “enrich” in that Scripture. Enrich means ‘to add to’ or ‘enhance’. Our role as wives is to be a helpmate to our husbands, enhancing, enriching, and adding value to his life. (Now, of course, likewise, a husband’s role is to do the same thing!) As I’m teaching to singles, I often talk about the importance of living a life that is ready for God to take you into the next season. In order words, I encourage them to ask the question, “How will I enrich my future husband’s life?” Very often, as single ladies, we are looking at how a potential mate can enrich our lives (which is certainly an important consideration), but that shouldn’t be the only consideration. We must ask ourselves how we bring value into a potential marriage. 

However, that question doesn’t stop when the ceremony is over. As married women, it should be our constant goal to work on our marriage. (And for those who have been married for more than 30 seconds, you’ll likely know how much work marriage is!) There are a number of things we can do as wives to show love to our husbands. In fact, there are hundreds of ways! Read on for ten of the most important ways to show love well in your marriage:

10 Meaningful Ways a Wife Can Add Value to Her Husband

  • Jennifer Maggio
  • 2019Oct 30
10 Meaningful Ways a Wife Can Add Value to Her Husband

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Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. – Proverbs 31:10-11 NLT

Much of my early Christian walk was spent self-deprecating how I couldn’t possibly measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman. In fact, I found myself secretly rolling my eyes if a pastor or speaker began a message discussing any facet of Proverbs 31. Honestly, much of that had to do with me healing from old wounds and embracing what God’s word said about me versus what I sometimes felt about myself. The intricacies of an abuse story can be complicated and the wounds long-lasting. Consequently, I spent much time, early in my marriage, resenting the fact that I would never measure up. 

However, the Lord gave me freedom in this area and Proverbs 31 is Scripture I view much differently now. I no longer feel I’m in competition with this Proverbs 31 woman. I no longer feel I’m not measuring up to her. Rather, I see her as a lifelong pursuit of excellence. Notice I said “excellence” and not “perfection”. I see her as an older aunt who is lovingly guiding me towards a more fulfilling marriage and life as a woman. I want to be the best mom I can be to my children. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. I want to be the best co-worker I can be at my job. In other words, I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. Not someone else. 

Because I spend much of my time teaching single women, I’ve taught from Proverbs 31:11b many times. Pay special attention to the word “enrich” in that Scripture. Enrich means ‘to add to’ or ‘enhance’. Our role as wives is to be a helpmate to our husbands, enhancing, enriching, and adding value to his life. (Now, of course, likewise, a husband’s role is to do the same thing!) As I’m teaching to singles, I often talk about the importance of living a life that is ready for God to take you into the next season. In order words, I encourage them to ask the question, “How will I enrich my future husband’s life?” Very often, as single ladies, we are looking at how a potential mate can enrich our lives (which is certainly an important consideration), but that shouldn’t be the only consideration. We must ask ourselves how we bring value into a potential marriage. 

However, that question doesn’t stop when the ceremony is over. As married women, it should be our constant goal to work on our marriage. (And for those who have been married for more than 30 seconds, you’ll likely know how much work marriage is!) There are a number of things we can do as wives to show love to our husbands. In fact, there are hundreds of ways! Read on for ten of the most important ways to show love well in your marriage:

1. Respect.

Can we just talk honestly here? Good. Most of us won’t find it hard to respect our co-workers, friends, church members, or those we serve with on a volunteer team. We won’t find it hard to respect the cashier at the local grocery store or our waitress at a local restaurant. But the truth is that too often our immediate family doesn’t always get our respect. Sometimes, the demands of life rear their ugly head and we say things to our spouse that we’d never actually say to anyone else. The next time you are tempted to lash out, speak out of turn, or speak words that are discouraging or unfair, take the time to calm down first. Respect that God has brought you into partnership with the perfect man for you. 

2. Listen.

Okay, so we’ve all heard the statistics about the average number of words a woman speaks per day (20,000) versus how many a man speaks (7,000). Maybe your husband isn’t the chatty Cathy that you are. (I know mine certainly isn’t.) When he does speak, take the time to truly listen. Hear with your spiritual ears the heart behind what he is trying to communicate. Listen to both his verbal and nonverbal language. Then, commit to being responsive. 

3. Create safety.

It takes effort for men to be vulnerable. Yes, I know it does with us, too, but our sensitivity and softness is how God created us. When a man shares his feelings, thoughts, hopes, and dreams, it is likely he is exerting real effort. Make your marriage a space of safety, a space where he can share without fear of criticism, judgment, or harsh words. Make your marriage a place, where he can share things he couldn’t otherwise share anywhere. Be mindful of not communicating too much of your marriage to girlfriends or family members. As in all relationships, safety creates a place where people can be their most authentic selves.

4. Be honest.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.’ Matthew 5:9 NLT. I recently heard a pastor preach on this Scripture in an interesting way. He said peacemakers aren’t those who ignore that there is conflict. Peacemakers are the ones who address the elephant in the room and work to resolve it. This is critical in marriage. If there is a problem in your marriage (e.g. intimacy, finances, security, communication, etc.), don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Be honest with your spouse. Ignoring the issue makes it larger and potentially can cause bitterness. Honesty brings it to the light, where it can be worked on and overcome. 

5. Submit.

Submission is not a dirty word. It doesn’t mean we don’t get to share our feelings or opinions. Submission isn’t silence. It is safety. Too often Ephesians 5:22-24 has been used as a weapon. However, in the context of the entire Scripture, Ephesians 5:22-33, we see that the submission is a mutual respect between husband and wife. The early years of my marriage were probably extremely hard on my husband. As a former single mom who had only myself (and God) to depend on, I was the one who led my household. When I married, I didn’t realize that I was constantly overriding what my husband said or did. How disrespectful! Wives, contrary to what modern culture may say, submission is not a domination of your husband over you. There is protection and peace that comes from me knowing that my husband loves his family enough to lead us well. God’s design for our marriage is that our husbands lead. Let them do that.

6. Serve.

There are a number of ways we can serve our husbands in our marriages. Some of the practical things that come to mind are cooking, cleaning, or gifts. Maybe that’s not your flow, though. Maybe he’s a better cook, such as in my marriage. That’s cool. What are other ways where you can make his life easier? Maybe it’s making his annual dentist appointments for him. Maybe it’s cutting the yard on occasion, so he doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s folding the laundry without complaining that you “always have to do it”. I cannot tell you what will be meaningful to your husband, as it will vary so widely from marriage to marriage. I can, however, tell you that if you approach your marriage with a heart of service, then it is very likely he will reciprocate. 

7. Be joyful.

My friends get the best version of me. They get laughter and joy. They get funny stories and the high levels of energy during a girls’ night out. And probably too often my spouse doesn’t get the best version of me. He gets tired, complaining, and overwhelmed mom of three. Make no mistake. Joy isn’t happiness. Yes, happiness comes and goes based on seasons of life and demands and hardships. By contrast, joy is the long-lasting peace of knowing that our God is always good and He is before us making a way, when there seems to be none. My deepest prayer for my marriage, and yours, is that our husbands would get the joy-filled women of God that they married.

8. Pray for him.

Commit to bringing your husband before the Lord daily. Pray for his job, for his friends, for his heart, and his dreams. Pray for his energy and fears and exhaustion and worries. Pray for his wants and needs and that peace would abound. Don’t wait for problems to arise to be a prayer warrior for your husband.

9. Have sex with him.

Early in marriage, this usually isn’t a problem. But let’s face it. Life and kids and homework and jobs and family demands begin to take their toll. Wives, if we aren’t careful, sex becomes a chore – something we know we should do, but honestly, sometimes don’t want to. It becomes one more thing on a lengthy list of demands, rather than an opportunity to connect with our spouse in a loving and life-changing way. If this is a problem in your marriage, don’t ignore it! It opens the door for resentment on both sides. There are a number of resources to help, including websites, books, and therapists. 

10. Affirm him.

Affirm him in word and deed. Use your words to speak life over your husband. Even if many things are wrong in your marriage, today, find the thing that isn’t and speak to that. Even if your husband has been rude and cranky and unfair, find the one thing he did well and speak to that. “Honey, thank you for taking out the trash yesterday. I really appreciate it.” That’s the focus. The focus isn’t that he didn’t take out the prior four weeks! Find the positive. Hug him. Hold his hand. Tell him that you are thankful that God brought him into your life.

5 Hard Things Singles Deal with Every Day

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“Just be patient. You’re going to find love when you least expect it”. How many times have you heard this advice being single? It’s SO much easier to give that advice then to receive, right? Although being single has it benefits that I’ll highlight below, it’s not always enjoyable. I was able to embrace it, but there were certainly ups and downs I think all of us go through. Here are some of the hard things that no one talks about being single and how I overcame them.

1. Being Patient Seems Impossible

Patience is a virtue. Everyone has heard that saying. But it seems near impossible when you are single and all of your friends are getting engaged and married. Additionally, and as time goes on, when women reach their thirty’s, patience tends to be at an all-time low waiting for your prince charming to arrive. However, Psalm 27:14 encourages us to “wait on the Lord.”  

What if you begin practicing to replace that impatience with time spent seeking God waiting on Him? Instead of spending your time dwelling on being single and feeling internal pressure to find love, use that time to seek God and a relationship with him. You’ll find comfort that He has a plan.  

Don’t rush God’s plan. You’re in the exact chapter you’re supposed to be in. Keep reminding yourself of this. The Bible does a great job of that. Don’t rush into the next chapter of your life when this one isn’t complete. The next chapter has to build on this one to make a really good story. Seek God in the waiting. And let us not grow weary…for in due season, we will reap the harvest” (Galatians 6:9).

2. Attending Events Solo Can Be Hard

Christmas is around the corner. That means Christmas parties where everyone seems to have a date. Followed by New Year’s Eve where every woman wants to be kissed at midnight to ring in the new year. Within weeks, Valentine’s Day. Or perhaps you have to attend a wedding alone. You sit at the singles table while you watch another one of your friends get married.


5 Hard Things Singles Deal with Every Day

Alisha Headley

  • 2. Attending Events Solo Can Be HardSlide 1 of 5
    Christmas is around the corner. That means Christmas parties where everyone seems to have a date. Followed by New Year’s Eve where every woman wants to be kissed at midnight to ring in the new year. Within weeks, Valentine’s Day. Or perhaps you have to attend a wedding alone. You sit at the singles table while you watch another one of your friends get married.Attending events solo is hard, but that should not limit you from having fun and being the best version of yourself. Some of the most memorable events I attended solo resulted in friendships that I would not have gained otherwise. Think of this as an opportunity. I met my best friend 10 years ago at a birthday party I attended where the two of us seemed to be the only guests without dates. We instantly connected, and 10 years later, I can still call her my best friend.I encourage you to learn to embrace attending events solo by changing the way you view them. Don’t think of them as a reminder that you are single and everyone else isn’t. Think of them as an opportunity to meet new friends or business acquaintances. You never know what will happen but I promise nothing will happen if you don’t go. I see going as very little downside and very high upside!  What events do you have coming up where you know you’ll be going alone? What can you be looking for in those opportunities to make it a positive experience?

3. It Gets Lonely– Especially at Night

It gets lonely when you’re by yourself. Especially at night, after a workday-, when you leave the social atmosphere of being around other people all day from work or your daily engagements. It’s natural to feel lonely from time to time.

When I was single, loneliness would seep in most when I would come home to an empty house and make myself dinner. To avoid this feeling, I often surrounded myself withmy girlfriends and always made sure I had plans to be busy. I never wanted to be alone because I wanted to avoid that feeling of loneliness. But over time, I began to fall in love with myself and I became okay with being alone. And even more, I begin to fall in love with the Lord during this alone time. Being alone is about thriving in that state of solitude and you learn to love your own company.

Some habits I adopted during this time alone was my quiet times with the Lord. Not filling my time with things to be busy, I began to speak to God more. I developed a prayer life that deepened my faith in the Lord. I began journaling every night before bed, and reading the Bible more than ever before. I found comfort in that and found a new peace as I didn’t feel so alone .

Loneliness will still kick in from time to time, but being okay with being alone is the goal. And remember – you never are truly alone. Joshua 1:9 says “…the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

4. Our Self-Confidence Can Be Strained

At times, it’s difficult to stay confident when you’re single. No one is there to compliment you each day on your new hairstyle or outfit or cooking. No one is there to love you after a long day to build your confidence up when you feel discouraged. No one is there to show you affection. Or perhaps, your best friend seems to find a new boyfriend at the drop of a hat, and you’re struggling to find a first date. You start to think, “What’s wrong with me, am I not desirable?” These thoughts tend to creep in all the more as you get older. You can’t help but compare yourself. Being single and staying confident is a hard thing.

So how do you stay confident when you’re single?

Friends, hear me when I say that even when you get married, you can’t depend on your husband to make you feel confident. Only YOU can know your worth and build your confidence. I have plenty of friends who are married lack self-confidence because their confidence is dependent on another person. Having a partner is no guarantee of high self-confidence. A spouse is a gift and a compliment to your life, not the one to fill your confidence tank to the brim. Only God loves you in a way that is unwavering as you are “His masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10). Fill up with God’s love every day to walk out in confidence as “His very own possession.” (1 Peter 2:9)

Take a few minutes to write out a few of these verses that explain God’s love and affection toward you. Carry those with you for a few weeks, work on remembering and reminding yourself of the truth of your value as a beloved child of God when your confidence seems to waver.

5. We Worry about the Future

If you’re like me, you’re always thinking about the future. Most women do. Not just about tomorrow or next week, but 5 years from now, 10 years, and so on.. So of course during my single years, I worried what the future held for me and more importantly, who would ever find me? As time goes on, we get older, the worry increases substantially. You begin to ask yourself “are there any good single men left or are all the good ones already taken”. You wonder if you’re ever going to meet someone. You worry about being single the rest of your life.  All this worrying about what ‘could’ happen in the future causes nothing but fear.

So what benefit does worrying do? Will it change anything?

Jesus asks this question in Matthew 6:27 saying“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

The answer is no. Worrying does not change anything. When you worry, you assume responsibility for things you were never intended to handle. Trust the Author that wrote the story. He knows the beginning and the end. And worrying about the thought of finding your spouse adds nothing to your life. Matthew 6:34 says “do no worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” Let the worry go and turn that worry into faith that God has a better and bigger plan that you can even imagine.

What is Prayer?

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prayer

Prayer isn’t a ritual that depends on closing our eyes and putting on holy faces. We don’t have to kneel or sit. We can pray while walking, driving, or working. God responds to a two word cry for help in the middle of a busy afternoon, just like He does to a focused prayer time after reading Scripture in the morning. Praying doesn’t have to be complicated. God delights in any simple words we offer Him.

View our latest prayer articles below as well as the most popular prayers read on Crosswalk.com. We have also provided a search box for you to quickly find a prayer for your specific need or circumstance.

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